So I'm really overwhelmed right now. I feel as if I am "not good enough" in every area of my life at the present moment. I have spent the past week going to different functions around the community and at church to try and meet people. It has gone well as far as meeting people, but meeting people does not equal making friends. Maybe down the road, but right now I am beginning to realize how incredibly lonely big cities can be.
I have also spent the week trying to get a job. I have applied to audio tech places, architect offices, entertainment groups, and coffee shops. I did get a job at Starbucks, which I am somewhat excited about, but it is a bit disappointing to be turned down in so many other places.
Along with the job hunt, I have been trying to figure out where to live and with whom. And how in the world I am going to pay for the first month's rent and a ridiculous security deposit.
I went to a concert this past weekend, and it was just painfully obvious how much work I have ahead of me to be even close to a professional performer. It takes a lot more than just jumping on a stage with your friends and playing for a room full of your friends. Professional groups are tight, they don't miss a beat. And they have great gear. I have a real nice guitar, but a subpar amp. I record stuff on a great laptop, but have a lil dinky mixer for my sound card and a wal-mart boombox for my speakers. Lately I have been around with people with really, really nice stuff. Amps that cost more than the resale value of The Lex. Dudes with two or three professional synth-keyboards. Sparkly blue DW kits with nice shiny Paiste cymbals. I just feel out of place with my lil' 50-watt modeling amp.
Perhaps I'm just overly sentimental tonight. I know that it's really not all that bad. I mean, adjustment time is to be expected when moving to a city where you know nobody, which was a choice I made. And there plenty of clowns out there with Marshall stacks that can barely play some Nirvana songs and a slowed-down version of the "Sweet Child O' Mine" intro guitar lick. And all my friends back home have been really encouraging and done well on keeping in touch with me, and I have met some cool people here as well that I probably will get close to. And I still have 4 1/2 books of Harry Potter bliss to discover. But for some reason I just felt a little down tonight about the current circumstances, and decided to blog it to the world. Normally I am against such seemingly meaningless and pity-party-ish things of this nature. And maybe tomorrow morning I will wake up, chide myself for posting this, and then delete it.
Oh, also today I played ultimate frisbee for about 2 1/2 hours. It was crazy. And it was all guys I didn't know so I couldn't slack like I normally do in anything athletic. Afterwards, I got a Subway sub and felt good about my healthy Sunday. Then I drank a whole 2 liter of Mountain Dew. Dumb.
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